i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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