I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
