i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
