Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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