Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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