everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
