No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
