I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pants are for mortals
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize