Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
