Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
