I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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