Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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