mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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