his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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