Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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