hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize