Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
