super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
