i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
