You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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