i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
