he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize