my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
