If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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