I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
