I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
