YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
