He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
