i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
send nudes
from the living room?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
