It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
