he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
