Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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