soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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