Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
