My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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