Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize