you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
