I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
