K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
