walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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