and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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