once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize