mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize