it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
