She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
