two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
