Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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