dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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