May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
