The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
