If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
