i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The air was thick with penises
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
