First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
