Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
