..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
