who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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