When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
