Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize