So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
