If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize