Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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